we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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