Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
this hospital has no fireball
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
