This girl is more easily done than said...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
