ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
