you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You have to summon your inner elephant
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
