I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
