This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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