He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Randomize
