I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
