forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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