I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
