Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
