So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
