Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
They have beer where we have blood.
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