know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
