Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
