everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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