Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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