There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
