zippers are such a cool invention
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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