I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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