you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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