you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
