I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
