actually, I'm a sock model
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I faked an abortion last night.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
