she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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