my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
