bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
