I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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