look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
