sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My first STD was from a foam party
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Even my vagina gasped.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
