He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
