If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
50% drunk capacity currently
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
