You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
