How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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