I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
