Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
