so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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