I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
