The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
