Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
