Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
