are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Need sex. Gaining weight.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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