What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
