You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
