i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
