Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
