i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
