VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
