She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
