so explain again why im purple
no
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
