either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
